Living Therapy - Counselling, Training and Supervision in Southampton Living Therapy - Counselling, Training and supervision in Southampton

Doors to Self-Understanding – Part 2

Watch out for the traps you lay for yourself: they’re still there!

In the previous article, you found out whether you tend to make contact with a problem though the feeling door, the thinking door or the doing door. We’ll call this your Contact Door. What happens next? Remember that your Contact Door may be better suited to some problems more than others. We’ll call the best door for the problem the Target Door. It would be great if your Contact Door was the same as the Target Door for all problems. But what if it isn’t? For example, what happens when a person with a Feeling Contact Door is confronted with a practical problem (i.e Target Door = Doing)? It would be good to be able to move from the Feeling door to the Doing door without anything getting in the way. Unfortunately, the third door sometimes sucks us in and we never get to the Target Door. If this happens, then the third door has become the Trap Door – it’s become a door that we enter through and never really escape from. Consider the previous example of a person with a Feeling Contact Door who is presented with a practical problem with a Doing Target Door. In this instance, the person may fall through the Thinking Trap Door – the problem just goes round and round in their head, they just get more and more stressed and never take action.

We can draw out this chain as follows:

Contact Door ------ Trap Door (------ Target Door: Never reached because you’ve fallen through the Trap Door!)

Now, think about a problem in your life which isn’t working out for you, and answer the following questions:

1.What do you think is the Target Door for that problem?

2.What’s your Contact Door?

3.Are they the same?

4.If not, do you fall through the third door (Trap Door)?

If you think you might be falling through the Trap Door, what stops you from going round the Trap Door and accessing the Target Door? If the answer isn’t obvious, then remember that many problems don’t fit neatly and simply into this model. There may be many layers to the problem: perhaps each layer has a different Contact Door, Trap Door and Target Door. Perhaps the problem is that you find it hard to put your finger on what your problems are. Whatever the problem is, it can be helpful to talk it through with a Therapist to get a different perspective, find out what’s not working and how you can change things.

19th July 2015